Siman 393

Know that we have not found in the Gemara, nor in the Yerushalmi, nor in Semachot, that a mourner is forbidden to leave his house for the entire seven days. And that which was taught (Moed Katan 23a): A mourner during the first week does not leave the entrance of his house – this is a different matter regarding going out to the beit knesset, as will be explained. And in the Yerushalmi and in Semachot chapter ten, this is explicitly stated. And you should know that this is so, for behold, Rabbi Yehuda there holds that even during the second week he does not leave the entrance of his house. And so too in the Baraita (Moed Katan 21a) where we learned the things that are forbidden to a mourner – it did not count leaving the entrance of his house at all. And so too in the Tur and Shulchan Aruch above, siman 380, and in the Rambam chapter five, they did not count this at all, see there. And in the Responsa of the Rivash (siman 158), he brought the custom of Saragossa that the mourner would leave during the entire seven days to pray in the beit knesset, see there.

And I found this explicitly in the Terumat HaDeshen (siman 290), and this is his wording: Question: Whether a mourner is permitted to exit the entrance of his house at night after the foot has ceased from the marketplace or not. Answer: It appears that one who is lenient in such a case for the sake of a need has not lost much. For it is proven from that which we say that after three days he goes to the house of a mourner, that the reason is that he does not exit the entrance of his house so that he does not forget his mourning when he goes among people. And when he is secluded in his house and has only the members of his household with him—it is recognizable and apparent that he is mourning. And if so, when he exits at night, and does not mingle with a group of people but rather goes to sleep in another house, and goes alone or one or two go with him—there is no concern here. And as for that which they required to permit a mourner to go on the night of Tisha B'Av to the synagogue, let it be derived that on all nights it is permitted; it is different there, for he goes to a place of a group of people, to all those entering the synagogue. And therefore, were it not for Tisha B'Av—it would not be permitted. Thus far his words.

And in the Mordekhai it is brought: There was an incident with a mourner whose minister sent for him to speak with him, and they asked our teacher, Simcha, if it is permitted to go to him. And he replied: Even though it was taught that during the first week he does not go out from the entrance of his house, the explanation is: when he goes out in the manner of people for work or for business or for a stroll. But in a case such as this, it is permitted to go out, as we say: if he went out on a journey – he may wear shoes. And nevertheless, he was stringent upon him and did not permit him to wear shoes. Thus far his words. And certainly the choice was in his hand not to go, and the minister would not have been angry. And therefore he wrote that he sent for him to speak with him, meaning: without necessity, for he did not need him except to speak. For if it were not so, our teacher, Simcha, would not have needed to search for reasons, since he would be compelled.

And we have learned from all these that exiting the entrance of his house is not among the things forbidden to a mourner. Rather, it is so of its own accord, for since he is forbidden from labor, and from business, and from strolling, what would he do outside his house? Furthermore: so that he may be secluded in his house, and not forget his mourning when he goes among people. And for this reason, it is forbidden for him to go on a weekday to the beit knesset to pray, because there are many people there. Therefore, if there is truly some need for the mourner to go out for a matter permitted to him during his days of mourning, such as in the case of a lost matter and the like—he may go out at night and not during the day, because of the wonderment of people. And if the matter is a necessity during the day, such as if the official called for him to come specifically during the day—he may go, only he should wrap himself so that people do not recognize him. And so too if it is a necessity for him to set out on a journey—he may go out, only he should see to it not to wear shoes. And if it is not possible without shoes—he should place ash inside the shoes.

And this is what our teacher, the Rema, wrote in section 2 (Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 393:2), and this is his wording: However, one who is lenient to go out at night due to necessity has not lost out. And that which is forbidden to go out from his house, this is specifically for a stroll or for business and the like. But if a ruler sent for him, or if he needs to go on a journey, or for other things that are very necessary for him, such as a matter of financial loss—he is permitted to go out. And so we practice. And the law of wearing his sandals, see above siman 382 (Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 382). Thus far his words. That is to say: for there it was explained that on a journey it is permitted to wear the sandal, see there. And see how precise he was in his words: for first he wrote "one who is lenient to go out at night etc.", and afterwards he wrote: "he is permitted to go out", and did not mention night. And the matter is thus, for certainly when it depends on him to choose which time to go out—it is certainly better to go out at night. But when a ruler sent for him, or for a journey, or for a matter of financial loss, where it does not depend on him which time to choose—he may go out even by day. And therefore he did not mention "night". And nevertheless, it is upon the teacher to understand the matter of the necessity to go out, and perhaps there is no need for this at all.

It is stated in the Gemara (Moed Katan 21a): An avel during the first three days does not go to the house of another avel. From this point forward – he goes. And he does not sit in the place of the comforters, but rather in the place of those being comforted. See there, and this is the explanation: Even though an avel does not leave his house during the first week as will be explained, nevertheless, to the house of another avel it would have been permitted, since both are avelim (Nimukei Yosef). And nevertheless, during the first three days they did not permit him even this, only after three days. And according to the opinion of the Ramban, it is specifically in his neighborhood that it is permitted, and not in another neighborhood. And so ruled our teacher, the Beit Yosef, in section 1 (Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 393, 1). But in Semachot chapter six it is stated: If a person died in that same city etc. – on the third day he goes out and stands in the row to be comforted etc., see there.

And one should not ask: according to what we have explained, that there is no prohibition in walking from his house, why did they forbid him during the first three days? For it can be said that since his walking is among many people—they forbade him just as with walking to the beit knesset, and as I wrote in section 2. And in the Tur and Shulchan Aruch they wrote: neither to the house of a mourner, nor to the cemetery. That is to say: for the burial of a corpse. And it concludes there in Semachot: In what case are these matters stated? At a time when there are enough there for the pallbearers and its buriers. But at a time when there are not enough there for the pallbearers and its buriers—he goes out even on the first day. And so it is in the Tur and Shulchan Aruch, and they wrote that even in another neighborhood it is permitted. And it is simple.

Our teacher, the Rema, wrote that part of the third day is like the whole of it. And he further wrote that I have not seen this practiced now, for no mourner goes to the cemetery nor to the house of a mourner all seven days. And it is possible that it is not an obligation but rather a permission. And since now they do not offer consolation as in their days—"sit and do not act" is preferable. Thus far his words. And his intention is that in ancient times there were orderly arrangements for the consolation of mourners. But it is not so now in our iniquities, for one who goes to console a mourner merely sits a little while and goes on his way. And we do not have specific places for the mourners and specific places for the consolers, as there were in ancient times.

And so we learned in Pirkei De-Rabbi Eliezer the Great (chapter sixteen): Solomon saw that the attribute of gemilut chasadim is great before the Holy One, Blessed be He. Therefore, when he built the Beit HaMikdash – he built two gates, one for chatanim and one for mourners, etc. He who entered through the gate of the mourners with his mustache covered, etc., they would say to him: "He who dwells in this house, He shall comfort you, etc." Since the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed, the sages ordained that chatanim and mourners should go to the synagogues and the study halls. And the people of the place see the chatan and rejoice with him, and the mourner and sit with him on the ground, so that all of Israel may fulfill their obligation in gemilut chasadim. And regarding them it says: "Blessed is He who gives a good reward to those who perform gemilut chasadim."

And also in the days of the Geonim, the Rosh and the Tur cited in the name of Rav Hai Gaon, and this is their wording: Everything follows the custom of the province: where they are accustomed to come to the beit knesset—he arrives early in the morning before the congregation at the beit knesset. And where they are accustomed to sit at home—he sits. And in Babylonia, everyone goes out to the beit knesset. And in metropolises and large cities—most sit in their homes, and their friends and those who perform acts of kindness come to them, and they enter the beit knesset and sit in the place of mourners and pray. Thus far his words. And in Ashkenaz, they are accustomed that the mourner goes to the beit knesset on Shabbat. And after the prayer, the mourner exits first and sits before the beit knesset, and the entire congregation follows after him and sits near him. And the mourner stands and goes to his home, and the entire congregation follows after him and sits there for one hour (Tur). And in the responsa of the Rivash (siman 158), he brings the custom of Saragossa, that even on weekdays all seven days, the mourners are accustomed to go to the beit knesset morning and evening, and after the prayer when they return to their homes with the majority of the congregation accompanying them, and upon their entry to the courtyard the lamenting women etc. Thus far his words. And now, we have nothing. And this is what our teacher, the Rema, wrote, that now we do not comfort as in their days. Therefore, one should not go to the house of a mourner all seven days. (And now there are places where the shamash announces before Kabbalat Shabbat: "Go toward the mourner.")

Our rabbis taught (Moed Katan 23a): A mourner, the first week—he does not go out from the entrance of his house. The second—he goes out, but does not sit in his place. The third—he sits in his place but does not speak. The fourth—he is like any other person. This "first week" means the first seven days. And that which says "he does not go out," this refers to the beit knesset to pray. And regarding this it says that in the second "he does not sit in his place," as this pertains to the beit knesset where everyone has a specific place for his seating. And in Semachot chapter ten and likewise in the Yerushalmi we learned this explicitly, as it is taught there: A mourner, the first week—he does not enter the beit knesset. The second—he enters but does not sit in his place, etc., see there. Our teacher, the Beit Yosef, wrote that in the first week he does not go out from the entrance of his house—even to hear the blessings of a chuppah or the blessings of a milah. Thus far his words. For he is not permitted to come to a place of assembly. Therefore, even though a mourner is obligated in all the mitzvot, this refers to mitzvot of his person. But this is a mitzvah of gemilut chasadim and it is forbidden to him during the days of his mourning (Shach, siff katan 3). And regarding that which says "the fourth he is like any other person," he wrote: That even if three full weeks have not been completed for him, such as if the person died in the middle of a week, as soon as that week and the two following it conclude—the coming week is considered the fourth. Thus far his words. And this is all regarding going out to the beit knesset, for regarding other laws of mourning it is thirty days.

Our teacher, the Rema, wrote: And if he desires not to sit in his place during the third week and to speak—he has the permission to do so. And now it is the custom that they do not sit in their places for the entire thirty days, and for one's father and mother for the entire twelve months, and there is no root for this custom. Nevertheless, one should not deviate from the custom, for every place follows its custom. Thus far his words. And in my humble opinion, it appears that there is a root for this custom, for we have already written that all the customs of consolation are no longer with us, and almost all the ancient customs have been nullified. Therefore, for us as well, it is impossible to distinguish between the second week and the third, and between the third and the fourth. Therefore, we have adopted the law of the beit midrash like the law of other mourning of thirty days, and for one's father and mother twelve months, and it is correct. And this is not a contradiction to the words of the Gemara, for the words of the Gemara in this matter are merely a general custom, and wherever it is practiced—it is practiced. And behold, in the time of the Geonim, and likewise in Ashkenaz, and in the time of the Rivash—the customs changed. And this is what our teacher, the Rema, concludes: "for every place follows its custom." And our teacher, the Beit Yosef, wrote in section 3 (Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 393:3): The mourner does not go out on a weekday to the beit knesset. But on Shabbat—he goes out. And we practice that on every day of the reading of the Torah the mourner goes out to the beit knesset. And our teacher, the Rema, wrote that in these lands the custom is that he does not go out except on Shabbat. Thus far his words. Behold, it is explicit that all these matters depend on custom. He further wrote that on Shabbat he may also go to the beit midrash, see there. And it is likewise explicit in Semachot, see there. And it is not understood what he shall do there, for is he not forbidden in matters of Torah for the entire seven days? And from this is a proof for the Mordechai, who wrote in the name of the Ri that a mourner on Shabbat is permitted in the study of Torah. And I am wondered why they did not bring this opinion at all, and it requires further study (and see in siman 400).

Our teacher, the Rema, wrote: If the mourner is a mohel or a sandek after three days—he prays in his house, and when they bring the infant to be circumcised—the mourner goes to the beit knesset. But within three days he shall not go out, unless there is no other mohel in the city (and then even on the first day it is permitted). And there are those who are lenient even within three days, even if there is another mohel in the city (so it should be said). And it is permitted for him to trim the nails and to shave for the sake of the circumcision (this refers to the nails). But if there is another mohel—it is forbidden (to trim the nails and shave them until thirty days). And so too any matter of a mitzvah that is impossible to perform without the mourner—it is permitted for him to go out to fulfill the mitzvah. Thus far his words. And he holds that even according to our custom that he does not go out to the beit knesset except on Shabbat—the mitzvah of circumcision is different. And so too any matter of a mitzvah is not comparable to going to the beit knesset, for there are many people who pray in their houses, which is not the case for a necessary mitzvah that is only in his power to perform. (See Shach, subsection 6. And according to what I have written it works well. Examine it and you will find it easy.) And he may go out within the seven days to sanctify the moon, if the time will pass after the seven days. And regarding changing one's place on Shabbat in the beit knesset, the opinion of our teacher, the Beit Yosef, is not to change, and the opinion of our teacher, the Rema, is to change, and such is the custom. Only if one's deceased died during a festival—he does not change his place. (And so too if he needs to hide his mourning for some reason—he is permitted.)