Siman 394

One does not weep for the deceased more than three days, and one does not eulogize more than seven. To what do these words apply? To the rest of the people. But for Talmidei Chachamim—everything is according to their wisdom. Nevertheless, one does not weep for them more than thirty days, for even for Moses our teacher they did not weep more, as it is written: "And the children of Israel wept for Moses... thirty days, and the days of weeping in mourning for Moses were ended." And similarly, one does not eulogize more than twelve months, as we find in Ketubot (Ketubot 103b) that for our teacher, the Holy One, they eulogized twelve months and no more. And similarly, a sage whose report of passing arrived after twelve months—one does not eulogize him, as we say in Yevamot (Yevamot 79a), David said: For Saul twelve months of the year have passed and it is not the way to eulogize him. And since it is dependent on months and not on a year—one learns from this that even in a leap year they shall not eulogize him after twelve months, and as I have written regarding Kaddish at the end of siman 376, see there.

And a person should not grieve over his deceased more than is necessary, as it is said: "Do not weep for the dead, and do not bemoan him." That is to say: more than is necessary, for this is the way of the world. And one who causes himself more distress over the way of the world—behold, he is a fool. Rather, how should he act? Thus the sages said (Moed Katan 27b): Three days for weeping, and seven for eulogy, and thirty for laundering and haircutting. From this point forward, the Holy One, Blessed be He, said: You are not more merciful than I. And anyone who grieves over the deceased more than is necessary—he weeps for another deceased, Heaven forbid. There was a certain woman in the neighborhood of Rav Huna who had seven sons. One of them died, and she was weeping excessively. Rav Huna sent to her: Do not do this. She did not pay him heed, etc., and in the end they all died; see there. (And one should not kiss any deceased; so wrote the Sefer Chasidim.)

And so too the opposite: anyone who does not mourn at all as the sages commanded—behold, this one is cruel, and it is not the way of the Torah. Rather, he should fear and worry and examine his deeds, and return in repentance. And if one of the members of a group dies—the entire group should worry. And thus the sages said (ibid.): During the first three days, he should see himself as if a sword is resting upon his neck (this is how it must be said). From three until seven—as if it is resting in the corner. From this point forward—as if it is passing before him in the marketplace. And this is until twelve months, as it is found in the Yerushalmi there: All seven the sword is drawn, until thirty it is loose, after twelve months it returns to its sheath. Thus far his words. And all that year, the judgment is stretched against that family. And if a male son is born in the family—the entire family is healed. (And that which we say in Shabbat 151b: Rabbi Chanina's daughter died, and he did not weep etc., see there—it must be said that he did not weep much more than the measure. And his wife wanted to weep more, and he rebuffed her with words, see there.)

It is stated in Semachot (chapter eight): One goes out to the cemetery and visits the deceased for three days, lest he still be alive, see there. And this was in their days, when they would place the deceased in niches, and it was possible to uncover him and see him. But in our days this is not applicable, and we do not bury without certain death.