Siman 22

It is forbidden to be in yichud with any of the arayot, whether she is old or young, for this matter leads to the uncovering of nakedness—except for a mother with her son and a father with his daughter, as lust does not hold sway over them as it does with other arayot [Sanhedrin 103b], and with these they are permitted to dwell permanently. A brother with his sister are permitted to be in yichud in a temporary manner, but they are not permitted to dwell together permanently [Chelkat Mechokek]. A husband with his wife who is a niddah are permitted to be together; since he will have permission for her after a time, his inclination does not overpower him so much, and the Torah testified to this as it is written, "hedged with lilies" (Song of Songs 7:3)—that even with a hedge of lilies, when they make a fence, they will not make breaches in them [Sanhedrin 37], and as soon as she says to her husband, "I have seen blood like a red lily," he immediately separates from her [Tosafot]. A groom whose bride became a niddah before he cohabited with her is forbidden to be in yichud with her, whether she is a virgin or a widow or a divorcee; rather, she sleeps among the women and he sleeps among the men, for since he has not yet cohabited with her, his inclination overpowers him. Therefore, if he performed the first cohabitation and she afterwards became impure—it is permitted to be in yichud with her; and in Yoreh Deah siman 192 this law was explained in detail, see there. And an unmarried woman who is a niddah—she is an ervah like all other arayot.

The prohibition of yichud is from the Torah, and thus our sages of blessed memory expounded [Kiddushin 80b]: "If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son, or your daughter, or the wife of your bosom, or your friend who is as your own soul, entice you in secret, saying" etc. (Deuteronomy 13:7)—to tell you that a son may have yichud with his mother, but it is forbidden to have yichud with any of the arayot mentioned in the Torah. And the explanation of the matter: since it is written "your brother, the son of your mother, or your son, or your daughter, or the wife of your bosom" and it did not also write "your brother" or "your sister," but rather because enticement is done "in secret" as it is written, and all of these are able to be in secret because a son has yichud with his mother, and a father with his daughter, and a man with his wife, but not a brother with his sister [Pnei Yehoshua]. And so it is explicitly stated in the Yerushalmi there: "your mother in secret, your daughter in secret," a man may have yichud with his mother and dwell with her, with his daughter and dwell with her, with his sister and he may not dwell with her. Thus far its words. However, in a chance occurrence it is permitted, as has been written [and see Chelkat Mechokek], and so is the prohibition regarding those forbidden by negative commandments [ibid.]. And one who is stringent regarding yichud with his sister—may a blessing come upon him [Chelkat Mechokek]. The Rambam did not cite this even though it is explicitly stated so in the Gemara.

When the incident of Amnon and Tamar occurred, David and his beit din decreed the prohibition of yichud with an unmarried woman, even if she is a minor who does not yet have a menstrual cycle—for if she has a cycle, she is an ervah due to her niddah status as I have written—for even though she is not an ervah, she is included in the yichud of arayot. It is not that prior to this absolute yichud was permitted, for it is impossible to say so, and it is obvious that this is close to coming to transgression, for even in dances they are forbidden to dance together as it is written: "Young men and also maidens, elders with youths" (Psalms 148:12), and it is not written "young men with maidens"—conclude from this that for a young man and maiden to go together in dance is an absolute prohibition. And so too at the end of Judges (21:20-21) it is written: "And they commanded the children of Benjamin, saying: Go and lie in wait in the vineyards. And see, and behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in the dances, then come out of the vineyards and snatch," etc. And why did they not command them to go into the dances? Rather, certainly this is an absolute prohibition and they would not have allowed the daughters of Shiloh to mingle with them; therefore, they commanded them to hide in the vineyards. Rather, they decreed even regarding temporary yichud as with arayot, and this is what the Rambam, the Tur, and the Shulchan Aruch wrote, that she is included in the yichud of arayot, meaning that even temporary yichud is forbidden. And as for Ruth secluding herself with Boaz—it was because she wanted him to marry her, as it turned out for her [see Yevamot 47b, and see Rashi there]. And Shammai and Hillel decreed regarding yichud with a gentile woman even regarding temporary yichud as with arayot. It follows that anyone who secludes himself with a woman with whom it is forbidden to have yichud, whether she is an Israelite or not an Israelite—they strike both of them with makat mardut, the man and the woman, and they make a public announcement about them in order to shame them. Nevertheless, they do not forbid the woman to the priesthood even if she secluded herself with one who would disqualify her from the priesthood through his cohabitation [Tur], except for a married woman, for even though she secluded herself they do not lash her so as not to bring out a bad report regarding her children, that they might say he cohabited with her; and if she sinned, what did her children sin, for this is only a concern regarding cohabitation. And some say that they lash him [Bach], and some say that they do not lash him either [Beit Shmuel], for when they lash him, a bad report will go out regarding her children that they are mamzerim. And that which was written in siman 21, section 3, that when one passes by the door of a suspected woman they lash him—this refers to an unmarried woman.

And all this is when there are witnesses that he secluded himself with her or when he admits it, but she is not believed to say that he secluded himself with her, and even if one witness testifies so, it is nothing when he denies him, for one witness in the face of denial is nothing. And even if she sues him and says that the offspring is from him and he denies her – he is exempt even from an oath, and even if it is known that he had relations with her and he says that the offspring is not from him – he is also believed, for the Torah believed him and we say that she committed adultery with others as well [Beit Shmuel], and this has already been explained in siman 4. Nevertheless, in a place where it appears to the beit din that this one secludes himself with her, even though there are no witnesses to the matter – they separate them so that they shall not dwell in one courtyard or in one neighborhood, and they distance them from one another.

Any woman with whom it is forbidden to be secluded, if his wife was with him, it is permitted to be secluded, because his wife guards him and they will not come to corruption. Therefore, a man whose business and craft is with women and it is forbidden for him to be secluded with them, what shall he do? He should engage with them while his wife is with him or turn himself to another craft. And this which is effective regarding his wife being with him is specifically with an Israelite, but with an idolater, since they are not meticulous in this, therefore a woman shall not be secluded with an idolater even when his wife is with him. And likewise, one does not hand over an Israelite male child, and all the more so a female child, to an idolater to teach him a craft or other matters because they are suspected of sodomy, and even if he is not suspected of this, he is suspected of drawing him after him to idol worship, and all the more so if they are suspected of bloodshed, and in Yoreh Deah siman 153 it was explained that one does not place an animal with them, see there.

A woman whose husband is in the city – we do not concern ourselves with being in yichud with her because the fear of her husband is upon her, and there are those who say that ab initio it is forbidden. And if he was familiar with her, such as if they grew up together or she is his relative or they have some acquaintance through matters of commerce and the like – they are forbidden to be in yichud even in such a case when her husband is in the city, and all the more so if her husband expressed jealousy to her regarding him. And similarly, if there is a door open to the public domain and it is not locked – there is no prohibition ex post facto regarding yichud, and if he is familiar with her or he expressed jealousy to her regarding him – they are forbidden to be in yichud as has been written.

In the opinion of the Rambam, of blessed memory, it is forbidden for one woman to be in yichud even with many men, unless the wife of one of them is there, for then the wife of this one guards him and consequently all of them will not commit zenut; but when the two women are strangers—they are forbidden in yichud. And that which will be explained, that many women with many men are permitted to be in yichud—this is with no fewer than three women, but with two it is forbidden [Beit Shmuel]. And that which was explained in the Gemara, that with upright men one woman is permitted to be in yichud with many men because each one will be ashamed before his fellow—this is with the completely righteous and not with ordinary people. And so too, one man shall not be in yichud even with many women according to the Rambam, unless his wife is with him.

But there are those of our teachers who hold that one woman may be in yichud with two upright men in a city, and most men are considered upright. However, on a road or in a field, three men are required, for perhaps one will go to relieve himself and the second will be in yichud with her; and likewise at night, even in a city, for this reason. And with licentious men—even with ten of them she is forbidden to be in yichud, for they are not ashamed before one another. And likewise, there are those who permit one man to be in yichud with many women if his occupation is not with women, for if his occupation is with women it is forbidden because he is familiar with them and has no shame before them.

Many women, no fewer than three, with many men—one need not be concerned regarding yichud. If the men were on the outside and the women were on the inside, or the men were on the inside and the women were on the outside, and one woman separated herself to be among the men and they are licentious, and according to the Rambam even if they are not licentious, or one man among the women whose business is with them, and according to the Rambam even if his business is not with them—they are forbidden due to yichud.

It is permitted to be in yichud with two yevamot, or with two co-wives, or with a woman and her mother-in-law, or a woman and her husband's daughter, or a woman and her mother-in-law's daughter, because they hate one another and will not cover for one another, and they will be afraid of one another to commit adultery. Likewise, it is permitted to be in yichud with a woman who has with her a small girl who knows the nature of intercourse but does not submit herself to intercourse, as she does not yet have an inclination for adultery, because the woman will be afraid to commit adultery before her lest she reveal her secret to others. However, on a journey a small girl is not effective, for perhaps he will turn aside with her to a secluded place and she will commit adultery, and all the more so in a house when there is another room it is forbidden. But to be in yichud with this girl herself is forbidden, for perhaps he will rape her; and if the girl is less than three years and one day old, there is no prohibition to be in yichud with her. Likewise, a woman is permitted to be in yichud with a boy less than nine years old, for they only decreed against the yichud of a man fit for intercourse and a woman who is fit. However, if the girl was betrothed by her father, it is forbidden to be in yichud with her, for behold her legal status is as a married woman and she is forbidden by the Torah, and there is no difference between one who is fit and one who is not fit.

An androgynos may not be secluded with women, for he has a desire for a woman; and if he was secluded, they do not lash him because he is a case of doubt. However, a man is permitted to be secluded with an androgynos and with a tumtum, for a man does not desire them and Israel is not suspected of this; and see what I wrote in siman 24. And there are those who say that an androgynos may not be secluded with a male as well [the Gra].

The sages enacted that women should converse with one another in the beit hakise so that a man would not enter there and be secluded with them. This was in ancient times when the battei kisaot were in the fields and not in the city, for then there is a concern of yichud; however, in this time when they are in the city, there is no concern. Furthermore, the sages enacted that a woman should not walk in the marketplace with her son behind her, but rather he should walk before her. The reason is lest the licentious desire to overtake her in a hidden place and they will snatch her son, and she will go after him to return him, and in the meantime the wicked ones who seized him will abuse her. All the more so a daughter should not walk behind her, for with the daughter herself there is a concern that she will be seized and raped.

One may not appoint even a trustworthy and upright man, and even the most pious of the pious, to be a guard in a courtyard where there are women, even though he stands outside. And even according to the opinion explained that one man is permitted to be in yichud with many women, a standard yichud is not comparable to this, as he is a permanent guard, and this is worse even than one whose business is with women; and although he stands outside, nevertheless, there is no guardian against forbidden relations. And it appears that even two are forbidden, for it is inevitable that one will go away or sleep and the second will be in yichud with them; and three—it is possible that it is permitted. However, according to the opinion of the Rambam in section 7, it is possible that even with three it is forbidden, and it requires further study as to the law. The sages also commanded by way of advice that a man should not appoint a guardian over his house so that his wife should not come to transgression, for had Potiphar not appointed Joseph the Righteous as an appointee over his house, he would not have come to that matter [Berakhot 63a].

The Rambam, of blessed memory, wrote: It is forbidden for a talmid chacham to dwell in a courtyard in which there is a widow, even though he does not sequester himself with her, because of suspicion, unless his wife was with him. Thus far his words. And in the Gemara they did not say that it is forbidden only to lodge with her, and this is the opinion of the Ra'avad, of blessed memory, and even this is only when he eats from hers, but if he pays her for his food – it is permitted [Taz]. And according to the Rambam, a chance lodging is permitted, and only permanently to dwell with her is forbidden even in one courtyard [Beit Shmuel]. And so our sages, of blessed memory, said that a widow is forbidden to raise a dog because of suspicion, and also a woman, even if she is not a widow, shall not purchase male slaves even small ones because of suspicion [Avodah Zarah 22b], and according to the Rambam it is not forbidden except for those fit for cohabitation, but very small ones – it is permitted, and according to the Tur even in such a case it is forbidden lest she raise them until they are fit, as the Tur wrote in Yoreh Deah siman 267, see there.

One who does not have a wife should not hire a maidservant, whether a virgin or a widow, even if she has her son with her in his house when he dwells alone in the house, for the son will not be there at all times. Similarly, one who does not have a wife should not teach young children because the mothers of the children come to the school and he will be in yichud with them, and even in a place where there is no concern of yichud, nevertheless he will be enticed by them. Similarly, a woman should not teach young children because the fathers of the children will come to her house on account of their children and they will be found in yichud with her, and even if she has a husband it is forbidden since it is not the way of a man to be constantly in his house. But a teacher who has a wife, there is no concern in this; it is not necessary to say when she is with him in the house where he teaches them that it is permitted, for it is not her way to leave her house, but even if he teaches in another house it is permitted since his wife is in the city she will come to him at any time and she guards him; however, if she is in another city, it is obvious that it is forbidden.

The Rambam, of blessed memory, wrote at the end of Issurei Biah: One may not expound upon the secrets of forbidden relations before three, because one is occupied with questioning the teacher and the other two are debating with one another and their minds are not free to listen; and since a person’s mind is drawn toward forbidden relations, if he has a doubt regarding something he heard, he will rule leniently. Therefore, one may only expound before two, so that the one listener may clear his mind and know what he hears from the teacher. Thus far his words. And with three, it is possible that two of them will not hear at all if the teacher mentions some prohibition [Rashi, Chagigah 11b], and furthermore, the Satan incites Israel regarding forbidden relations, for Cain married his sister and Jacob our forefather married two sisters, and the teacher knows hidden reasons for this that are concealed from the eyes of the other students, and when they do not hear the reason, they will come to stumble [Maharsha].

He further wrote: There is nothing in the entire Torah that is as difficult for the majority of the people to separate from as arayot and forbidden relations. The sages said [Yoma 75a]: At the time Israel was commanded regarding arayot, they wept and accepted this mitzvah with complaints and weeping, as it is said (Numbers 11:10), "weeping for its families" – over the matters of families. And the sages said [Chagigah ibid.]: A person's soul desires and covets theft and arayot, and you do not find a community at any time that does not have those who are loose in arayot and forbidden relations. And the sages said [Bava Batra 165a]: The majority in theft, a minority in arayot, and all in the dust of lashon hara. Thus far his words.

Therefore, it is proper for a person to bend his inclination in this matter and to habituate himself to extra holiness, pure thought, and correct temperament in order to be saved from them. He should be careful regarding yichud, which is the great cause, and all the more so from strolling with women and playing dice with them, and all the more so to dance with them in dances, Heaven forbid. So too should he conduct himself to distance himself from laughter, from drunkenness, and from words of lewdness, and all the more so from reading books of lewdness; and those who compose them and those who print them have no portion in the World to Come, for these are great causes. He should not sit without a wife. And greater than all of this, they said: he should turn himself and his thought to words of Torah and broaden his mind with wisdom, for thoughts of zaniness only overcome a heart empty of wisdom, for through this one comes to the point of a sinful thought. And such a thought is forbidden by the Torah, as it is written: "And you shall not scout after your hearts" etc. (Numbers 15:39), and regarding the Torah it is said: "A lovely hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; with her love be you ravished always" (Proverbs 5:19).