Siman 606

It has already been explained in siman 602 that Yom Kippur only atones for transgressions between man and the Omnipresent, but not for those between man and his fellow. If it is a monetary matter—he has no atonement until he pays his fellow and asks him for forgiveness for the distress he caused him. In the case of one who robs the public and does not know from whom he robbed, such as one who sold with an untruthful measure, or one whose merchandise is not as it should be, and the like—he should use them for public needs. And if it is not a monetary matter, but rather that he harmed the honor of his fellow, such as by insulting and reviling him and the like—it is not forgiven him until he asks him for forgiveness and appeases him. And he should specify the sin that he committed against him. However, if his fellow would be embarrassed by this—he should not specify, but rather ask him to forgive him in general.

And in truth, throughout the entire year one is also cautioned regarding this, and not to leave it for a later time, for who knows what a day may bring? Rather, on the eve of Yom Kippur it is an obligation to do so. And the one who forgives—let him not be cruel by refusing to forgive him immediately. As we found regarding our father Abraham, who immediately forgave Abimelech and prayed on his behalf. And we are his children—it is proper to hold fast to his good traits. However, if he intends for the benefit of the one seeking forgiveness by not forgiving him—he is permitted, as we found such an incident at the end of Yoma. But in truth, this matter is not common. And so too, if he spread a bad name about him—he does not need to forgive, because many know of the bad name he spread about him, and they do not know of the forgiveness. Nevertheless, it is of the trait of piety to forgive even in this. And if the slanderer does everything possible, and publicizes to the masses that the bad name he spread is a lie, and that he seeks forgiveness—it appears to me that by the letter of the law he must forgive, for your friend has a friend, and everyone will become aware that the matter was a lie (and in Yoma it is not exactly like the aforementioned law, see there).

And if he is not appeased the first time – he should go to him a second and third time, and each time with a different type of conciliation. And he should increase friends upon him, who will request of him that he forgive him. And each time he should take three people with him. And if even on the third time he does not forgive him – he is no longer required to attend to him, for he has done what was in his power. Unless he is his teacher, for then he is obligated to go to him many times until he forgives him, and even if he is not his primary teacher, but rather he heard words of Torah from him (Magen Avraham, subsection 3). And also to another he may go many times if he wishes, only in a manner that does not involve a disgrace to the Torah, and that is when the requester is not a talmid chacham. But if he is a talmid chacham – he shall not go more than three times.

If the one against whom he sinned died, if it is in matters of money—he pays his heirs; and if it is in words—he brings ten men and stands them at his grave, and he shall remove his shoes and say: "I have sinned to Hashem, the G-d of Israel, and to this person." And the reason he requires ten is because wherever there are ten, the Shekhinah dwells, and for the sake of the honor of the Shekhinah, the deceased certainly forgives him. And even though there is no action after death—for "today is for performing them," and not tomorrow for performing them—nevertheless, when he forgives him, he is forgiven, and he is no longer punished. But in matters of money this is not effective, for why should he forgive him? Behold, he is able to pay. And if he has nothing with which to pay—it follows that he bears no sin. And if the way is further than three parsaot—he may send a messenger in his place (Magen Avraham, subsection 7). And if he insulted him after death—he does not need to go to his grave, but rather he requests forgiveness in the place where he shamed him (ibid.), and it is sufficient before three. And if he insulted someone and disparaged his ancestors—he also needs to request forgiveness. And many people are accustomed on Erev Yom Kippur to request forgiveness from one another, even if they did not insult each other at all, but rather perhaps they harmed each other's honor (this is the intention of our teacher, the Rema, in section 2). And there is an enactment from the early ones and a curse not to spread an evil report about the dead. That is to say: even though we say in Berakhot (19a) that anyone who speaks after the dead is as if he speaks after a stone, whether because they do not know or because they do not care, except for a scholar, for the Holy One, Blessed be He, demands his insult, see there—nevertheless, they enacted thus.

It is brought in Pirkei De-Rabbi Eliezer (chapter 46) that Samael, who is always accusing Israel – speaks in their favor on Yom Kippur, and says before the Holy One, blessed be He: Master of the Universe! You have one nation who are like the ministering angels. Just as the angels are barefoot – so too are they. Just as the angels do not have joints, for they always stand – so too is Israel (in prayers and confessions). Just as the angels are clean – so too are they. Just as the angels have peace among them – so too do they. And the Holy One, blessed be He, hears his testimony and atones for them, see there. And from this all Israel have the custom to seek forgiveness so that there will be peace, and they immerse in a mikveh so that they will be clean. And the Rosh at the end of Yoma (chapter eight, siman 24) brought in the name of Rav Saadia Gaon that one must recite a blessing over this immersion. And the Rosh rejected this, and such is the custom not to recite a blessing. And the reasoning of the Gaon appears to be because it is written, "before Hashem you shall be purified," and a mikveh purifies the impure, and therefore this too is included in "you shall be purified."

And it is the custom to receive thirty-nine lashes with a strap of calfskin. And one may immerse and receive the lashes whenever he wishes. However, since it is the custom to confess during Mincha—it is good to receive the lashes and to immerse before Mincha, so that the confession shall be in purity, and after atonement. And one only needs to immerse once, on account of a seminal emission; but it is the custom to immerse three times. And if there is no mikveh, or if the weather is cold—he should pour nine kabin of water over his body, which are fifteen quarts, and he should pour from no more than three vessels, and he should begin with the second before the first has ceased, and the third before the second has ceased, or from all of them at once.

And one whose deceased relative died between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur—it is permitted to wash and immerse on the eve of Yom Kippur, for Yom Kippur cancels for him the decree of the seven days. And even though they are accustomed not to wash for the entire thirty days—on the eve of Yom Kippur it is permitted, even two or three hours before the night. And the rest of the laws of mourning are practiced on the eve of Yom Kippur, as on any day that is not a Yom Tov. Rather, it is only a mitzvah to eat and drink on this day. And he shall rise from his mourning as on every Friday and eve of Yom Tov (and see Magen Avraham, subsection 10). And we have already explained in siman 88 that immersion for a keri is effective even in drawn water, if they are in the ground and not in a vessel, and so it is regarding the immersion of the eve of Yom Kippur.