Siman 56

A betrothed woman whose groom requested to marry her, and they did not limit the time of marriage at the time of the betrothal, and she says that she needs time to prepare her garments and her jewelry and all that she needs – we give her a time of twelve months from the day of the request to provide for herself and to prepare her preparations, and afterwards she shall marry and she does not have the power to delay further. And if she says that despite this she is still not properly prepared, he can compel her to marry. And if she refuses, they write a letter of rebellion against her if her intention is to cause him distress, as is written in siman 77, and there it will be explained with the help of Heaven.

There is no distinction whether he is a bachelor or a widower, and he cannot say, "Since I am not a bachelor, I am not so particular regarding the preparation," for she can say, "His affection for me is greater than that of a bachelor" [Yerushalmi, chapter Af Al Pi]. And also, there is no distinction between whether he claimed her immediately after the erusin or whether he claimed her many years after the erusin, and he cannot say, "Since a long time has passed, why did you not prepare yourself?" for she can say, "Since at the time of the erusin we did not set a time, therefore as long as you did not claim me, I did not prepare myself." And there is no distinction in this between whether she has a father or does not have a father, but regarding her years there is a distinction, as will be explained.

How so? One who betroths a ketannah through her father, and the husband demanded her for marriage while she is a ketannah – we do not grant him anything until she grows up. And it is not only that she can delay, but even her father can delay her so that she shall not marry until she grows up and becomes a naarah. And the arus cannot say to the father, "What difference does it make to you and what is your concern since she consents?" For the father can say to him, "Now she lacks understanding, and I fear that after the marriage she will regret it and come to me, and I will need to prepare other jewelry and new clothes for her" [Gemara Ketubot 57b]. And if they all consented that he should take her in, the beit din does not prevent them. Nevertheless, it is not proper to do so, for behold, even to betroth a ketannah, it is a mitzvah not to betroth her until she grows up, as was written in siman 37. However, aside from the father, no person has the power to prevent them when she consents; even her relatives cannot protest against her even if the father died, for behold, she will not return to them. And even though she is sickly and according to appearances he is rushing to marry her so that he may inherit from her—such as in a place where there is no Takkanat Shum, or where he imagines she will live for a period of years and ultimately he will inherit from her—nevertheless, since she consents, he may marry her. And there are some of the great authorities who wrote that the relatives can prevent it when the father is not alive, on the grounds that they are fit to inherit from her and the marriage would only be a marriage d'rabbanan; but Rabbeinu Tam disagreed with them and ruled as I have written [in the Mordechai, second chapter of Kiddushin, and in the Hagahot Maimoniot, chapter 22, this is explained; and it requires further study, for there it is written that twelve months passed for her, and so wrote the Rema in Darkhei Moshe, but in the Shulchan Aruch he did not mention this, see there] [and see in siman 37, section 13 in the Rema, and it requires further study and careful analysis].

And know, that which we wrote that in her minority one does not respond to him at all until she reaches majority, so it appears to me from the wording of the Rambam in chapter 10 and from the wording of the Shulchan Aruch. And in the Gemara [Ketubot 57b] it is stated: one does not stipulate regarding a ketannah to marry her off while she is a ketannah, but one stipulates regarding a ketannah to marry her off when she reaches majority. And so wrote the Tur. And from this wording it is implied that the arus can compel this even in her minority, to set a time now that she shall be married in her majority after twelve months. However, the Rambam omitted this, and it appears to me that he interprets that this is not an obligation that the arus can compel, but rather it means to say that there is no prohibition in the matter. And so it is implied in the Gemara, which asks "it is obvious" and answers that we do not fear lest she bring in fear from now and become weak, it comes to teach us this, see there. And if we were to say that the arus can compel this, what does it ask? Rather, certainly it comes to teach us a permission, that we do not fear that she will become weak [and with this the difficulty of the Tosafot there s.v. bagrah is settled, and their words are astonishing as the Maharsha wrote, and according to what I wrote it is settled, and examine it closely] [and see there in Rashi s.v. aval etc. without kiddushin etc.].

If she was claimed in her naarut, she is given twelve months from the time of the claim, and we learn this from Rebecca, as it is written: "Let the naara remain with us days," etc. (Genesis 24:55), and "days" refers to a year, as it is written: "for days shall be its redemption." And even though Rebecca was a ketana, as is explained in the Aggada, nevertheless in the early generations the time of their maturity was earlier than our time. And behold, the Torah called her a naara, but a ketana is also included in the category of naara. There is no absolute proof from this and it is merely an asmachta. And since she is given twelve months, it follows automatically that the marriage will be after her bagrut, for there are only six months between naarut and bagrut.

If he claimed her during her bagrut—one does not give her twelve months from the time of the claim, but rather twelve months from the time she became a bogeret. And if he claimed her six months after the bagrut, she automatically has only six months from the time of the claim. The reason is that immediately upon her bagrut she begins to prepare herself, and this is the opinion of the Rambam, the Tur, and the Shulchan Aruch. However, there are some of our teachers who hold that this is specifically if she was betrothed after she became a bogeret, for presumably she prepares her jewelry immediately when she becomes a bogeret so that if a husband is found for her, everything will be ready; but if she was betrothed before bagrut, she is not careful to prepare since she is already betrothed [Tosafot], and therefore one gives her twelve months from the time of the claim. However, in the Shulchan Aruch this opinion was not brought [see Beit Shmuel]. And so too, if she was betrothed on the day of bagrut, one gives her twelve months from the time of the kiddushin, which is the time of bagrut, even if he claimed her afterwards.

And this is when twelve months have not passed after her bagrut; but if twelve months passed after her bagrut and afterwards she was betrothed – they give her only thirty days from the time of the claim because she has already prepared her needs. And there are those who say that the thirty days are from the time of the kiddushin, and the poskim agreed with the first opinion. And if twelve months have not fully passed in her bagrut prior to the kiddushin, they complete for her twelve months from the time of the bagrut. And if the twelve months were completed for her within the thirty days of the time of the claim – they complete for her thirty days from the time of the claim.

All this is when she is a virgin, but if she is a widow or a divorcee from marriage – they give her only thirty days from the time of the claim, and according to some from the time of the kiddushin as has been written. And if she was betrothed to another and several months passed after the claim and he died and she was betrothed to another – one does not calculate from the time of the first [Beit Shmuel]; however, if the first claimed her during the days of her na'arut and she waited twelve months, if so she has been a bogeret for six months, consequently she has from the second only six months, for if the first claimed her after she became a bogeret one also counts from the time of her bogrut as has been written [ibid., and what he wrote that even in childhood the claim is effective, we have already written that this is not implied by the Rambam, and examine this closely].

Just as time is given to a woman from the moment the husband claims her to prepare herself, so too time is given to a man to prepare himself to ready the wedding needs from the moment the woman claims him. And how much time is given to him is explained in the Yerushalmi, that his law is like her law according to what he is: if he is a bachelor, even if he marries a widow, they give him twelve months; and if he is a widower, they give him thirty days. And regarding him, there is no distinction in his years, because a man, even if he is an adult, does not begin to prepare himself before the claim. And the Rambam wrote: And how much time is given? Just as they give to her; if twelve months—twelve months, and if thirty days—thirty days. Thus far his words. And from his wording it implies that it does not depend on him at all but rather on her: if she is a virgin, even if he is a widower, they give him twelve months; and if she is a widow, even if he is a bachelor, he has only thirty days. And he was not concerned for that of the Yerushalmi because in our Shas it is proven according to his words [from the fact that it asks a difficulty to Rav Huna, and to answer that it is because of him, see Ran], and also the logic is so, for behold the time they give him is for the purpose of preparing the needs of the chuppah, and why would he need twelve months for this? But according to the Rambam it is well, for if she needs twelve months, then automatically he does not hurry himself to prepare until her time. But according to the Yerushalmi, one must say that his preparation is not only for the marriage alone but also for his other needs, and for this he needs more time. And the Rosh and the Tur ruled like the Yerushalmi.

If the time they gave to the woman arrived and she did not want to marry in order to cause him distress—we judge her as a moredet as has been written. And if the time they gave to him arrived and he did not marry her—he becomes obligated in her sustenance even though he did not enter the marriage, and even if he died before the marriage, she is sustained from his house all the days of her widowhood [Ran, chapter 4 of Ketubot], and since she is sustained by him, it appears that her handiwork belongs to him; yet there is no proof, for it is possible they penalized him in this regard that he should provide sustenance but not take her handiwork, similar to that case where we judge her as a moredet. And if an accident prevented him, such as if he became ill before the time arrived, or she became ill, or she began her menstrual flow and is not fit for marriage, or the time arrived on a day upon which one does not enter into marriage—he does not provide her with sustenance, and even though she can say to him "your luck caused it," nevertheless, ultimately he is under duress; but if he became ill after the time arrived, he has already become obligated in her sustenance and shall not be exempt now even though he is under duress currently, and if she became ill after the time, there is doubt if he is obligated in her sustenance, and there is no difference regarding her beginning her menstrual flow between the time of her regular period and not at the time of her regular period, and when the duress passes and he does not marry her—he becomes obligated in her sustenance [Beit Shmuel].

In our times, when we sanctify at the time of the marriage, all these laws are not applicable. For if they set a time for the marriage at the time of the tena'im and one of the parties does not want to marry on the day they established—it is within the power of the second to break the shiddukhin. And if they did not set a time and one sues the other, they grant time according to the need and according to the assessment of the beit din. One may not learn from the time explained in this siman, for it is possible that only after erusin is such a time sufficient, and not before the erusin [see Beit Shmuel subsection 4 what he wrote regarding the obligation of sustenance, and it requires further study what obligation is relevant; let him break the shiddukh and make another shiddukh].